Email to London Andrews Christmas Eve 2016
London Andrew and me. London matters to me, I care about her deeply, even now. Here’s something weird that comes from caring about London, I always try and refer to her as London when posting, I avoid calling her by her real name, Jessica. Giving her some privacy, some distance, between the model and the girl herself. Because I care about her, I became worried about her towards the end of 2016. This was due to some of her posts and what she was saying online.
I care about her and I was worried by this for some reason. So, I sent her the email below on Christmas eve, because of my concern.
A few years later, she admitted she had attempted suicide during the holiday !
“Hello Jessica, I'm really sorry that you have been feeling so down as a reaction to events around you. Your nasty neighbour, ill-heath etc. I worry that, though you live your life via social media a great deal, I feel that some of this is just the tip of an iceberg. We are similar in that we think and feel deeply about many, many things. I've said it you before and I'll repeat - You're not on your own, you especially. Anyway, I'll give a thank you, praise and give the credit you deserve for the help your work has been for me and my wife *********, with or with out knowing it. I came across you a few years ago on Facebook and have been using your body positive and self-love, to try and help ********. (Looking back I remember some of your porn work – I'm no innocent.) And we're getting somewhere at last. ********* problem has been that, no matter how much I love her, she hates herself even more ! Her problem become our problem, became my problem, became a big problem – ending as THE problem. We almost split up in May – that's how bad things have got ! This has been a long slow battle – 17 years of a 29 year marriage. Weight was and is part of this. It's been hard work, but I always thought she was worth the effort (sadly she didn't). Sorry we may disagree here, but to me her size is a physical manifestation of her self-hate and an expression of the fact I wasn't worth the effort to sort herself out. It's been a long slow and resentful battle. There's light at the end of the tunnel, things are getting better, and you have been part of this. You really have helped.
Now you may object to me not accepting ******** weight etc, but it was due to her being unhappy. And , a bit of context – I'm not your average…..
….Anyway, one of her problems was, when I talked about losing weight, she saw seeing skinny models in her head : the power of media image and conventions etc. I’d done loads, got self-help books, all sorts of things to help. For the past 17 years, she was worth the effort for me, but I wasn't worth the effort. Even though she is now doing everything she can to put right the damage done, damage has been done. Using you as an example, images and your body positive messages – and self-love has really helped her, now that she's trying.
There has been a price to pay for all the effort and disappointments I have had to deal with over the recent years..….will be worth it. You have been a real help through out this, even though you don't know it.
I feel really bad that you are also suffering. I feel we are kindred spirits. Both of us have tried things, with and without success. We've both done things to ourselves and had things done to us. More importantly, like me, we're happy as ourselves. But, if others are not happy, it affects us and we can't be happy – we need to do something to help...…...Having read you posts on FB for a few years and now gone back and had a look at your 'Blogspot', I really feel you should publish your story – it's is really interesting. Take a step back and look at your life in a detached way – it's fascinating. Look what you tried, defeats and your victories. What you've created now. Plus advice to young people wanting to enter modelling – the pit falls, how do do it for themselves rather than follow the conventional path of agents etc. etc. And if it were illustrated...…...they would be beating down the door ! Another income source as well for when you put London in the background and become Jessie full time. ….
So, thank you for helping us, your posts are and have helped us both. Stay positive yourself, please. Please try not to drink over this holiday – we've both been there before and in truth, it doesn't help. I dare say you've had better offers than this, but...If you feel bad over the holidays, ring me and ******** for a chat, get things off your chest – talking does make things better. Get some support understanding and sympathy. Plus, I'm not even on the same continent, never mind time zone, which might not be a bad thing. Remember, we are all only human, we need love and support, and you are not alone, none of us can be completely independent of all help or the need for others. I'm solitary by nature – Never lonely when I'm alone - few close friends, but happiest alone. But there are times....Anyway, hoping things feel better and you don't need to take up our offer. All the best for the holidays and the future, have a great time. You have our, and many more peoples love and support.
If you need us,….
All The Best
Yours
Andy”
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