Email
to London Andrews Christmas Eve 2016
London
Andrew and me. London matters to me, I care about her deeply, even
now. Here’s something weird that comes from caring about London, I
always try and refer to her as London when posting, I avoid calling
her by her real name, Jessica. Giving her some privacy, some
distance, between the model and the girl herself. Because I care
about her, I became worried about her towards the end of 2016. This
was due to some of her posts and what she was saying online.
She
had decided to leave Rochester and her friends and family, and spend
the Christmas holiday alone in a woodland cabin with her dogs.
I
care about her and I was worried by this for some reason. So, I sent
her the email below on Christmas eve, because of my concern.
A
few years later, she admitted she had attempted suicide during the
holiday !
Edited
version of email :
“Hello
Jessica, I'm really sorry that you have been feeling so down as a
reaction to events around you. Your nasty neighbour, ill-heath etc. I
worry that, though you live your life via social media a great deal,
I feel that some of this is just the tip of an iceberg. We are
similar in that we think and feel deeply about many, many things.
I've said it you before and I'll repeat - You're not on your own, you
especially. Anyway, I'll give a thank you, praise and give the credit
you deserve for the help your work has been for me and my wife
*********, with or with out knowing it. I came across you a few years
ago on Facebook and have been using your body positive and self-love,
to try and help ********. (Looking back I remember some of your porn
work – I'm no innocent.) And we're getting somewhere at last.
********* problem has been that, no matter how much I love her, she
hates herself even more ! Her problem become our problem, became my
problem, became a big problem – ending as THE problem. We almost
split up in May – that's how bad things have got ! This has been a
long slow battle – 17 years of a 29 year marriage. Weight was and
is part of this. It's been hard work, but I always thought she was
worth the effort (sadly she didn't). Sorry we may disagree here, but
to me her size is a physical manifestation of her self-hate and an
expression of the fact I wasn't worth the effort to sort herself out.
It's been a long slow and resentful battle. There's light at the end
of the tunnel, things are getting better, and you have been part of
this. You really have helped.
Now
you may object to me not accepting ******** weight etc, but it was
due to her being unhappy. And , a bit of context – I'm not your
average…..
….Anyway,
one of her problems was, when I talked about losing weight, she saw
seeing skinny models in her head : the power of media image and
conventions etc. I’d done loads, got self-help books, all sorts of
things to help. For the past 17 years, she was worth the effort for
me, but I wasn't worth the effort. Even though she is now doing
everything she can to put right the damage done, damage has been
done. Using you as an example, images and your body positive messages
– and self-love has really helped her, now that she's trying.
There
has been a price to pay for all the effort and disappointments I have
had to deal with over the recent years..….will be worth it. You
have been a real help through out this, even though you don't know
it.
I
feel really bad that you are also suffering. I feel we are kindred
spirits. Both of us have tried things, with and without success.
We've both done things to ourselves and had things done to us. More
importantly, like me, we're happy as ourselves. But, if others are
not happy, it affects us and we can't be happy – we need to do
something to help...…...Having read you posts on FB for a few years
and now gone back and had a look at your 'Blogspot', I really feel
you should publish your story – it's is really interesting. Take a
step back and look at your life in a detached way – it's
fascinating. Look what you tried, defeats and your victories. What
you've created now. Plus advice to young people wanting to enter
modelling – the pit falls, how do do it for themselves rather than
follow the conventional path of agents etc. etc. And if it were
illustrated...…...they would be beating down the door ! Another
income source as well for when you put London in the background and
become Jessie full time. ….
So,
thank you for helping us, your posts are and have helped us both.
Stay positive yourself, please. Please try not to drink over this
holiday – we've both been there before and in truth, it doesn't
help. I dare say you've had better offers than this, but...If you
feel bad over the holidays, ring me and ******** for a chat, get
things off your chest – talking does make things better. Get some
support understanding and sympathy. Plus, I'm not even on the same
continent, never mind time zone, which might not be a bad thing.
Remember, we are all only human, we need love and support, and you
are not alone, none of us can be completely independent of all help
or the need for others. I'm solitary by nature – Never lonely when
I'm alone - few close friends, but happiest alone. But there are
times....Anyway, hoping things feel better and you don't need to take
up our offer. All the best for the holidays and the future, have a
great time. You have our, and many more peoples love and support.
If
you need us,….
All
The Best
Yours
Andy”