The Attraction of London
Right I have been incredibly busy this past weeks, from important events in the UK to the trivial of dog/house sitting for my kids while they went on holiday, I’ve just had no chance to type up the third part of my ‘Reintroduction’ piece for the blog. Today, to keep things going here’s something I’d saved way back.
It shows what attracted me to London. I don’t mean the obvious attraction to her beautiful sexiness. It was posts like this one. They were totally different to the routine glamour model posts of back then. Most posts back then were : Look at me , aren’t I sexy, here’s some of my latest work, follow me, buy more of my material. Basically they were just this and pretty pictures. They were pretty girls, but one dimensional. Talking about how great things were and how exciting their life was. Photos, yes. Personality, no. It felt artificial….because it was.
London, her blog and life were real. She was honest in the most painful and open way. She had problems and she let us watch has she dealt with those problems. What was more intriguing to me, was she was dealing with problems that my wife had. But my wife refused to acknowledge her problems and wouldn’t engage with dealing with them.
Thus is the contrast between the model and the girl. The fantasy and the reality.
She intrigued me enough for me to cut and paste this post back then.
The first item below in quotation marks is my note added to the post when I saved it.
“This is something she wrote as an answer to someone on her Tumblr today, very interesting,
as it shows the ambiguity of her own body image, differing between her model persona and her real life.”
"Anonymous asked: Are you able to post any photos where it looks like you actually weigh 240. Your photos always look so great it looks like you are more like 200. Stay beautiful!”
“Photos are deceptive - My body is very proportional so I SEEM smaller because of my hip-to-waist ratio…. But in real life, I am 5’4 and just very BIG. I weigh 240 and I LOOK 240. My thighs are tree trunks. My calves are the size of a gym rat’s biceps… My boobs are the size of a human head …. My ass is the size of two or three regular sized butts - I often find my size hindering. I cannot cross my arms because my boobs are too large. My legs are so big that I have difficulty finding clothes that fit properly - I feel physically awkward next to my tiny, healthy, itty bitty friends even though I can hike just as far and just as long as any of them…
Currently, I am walking and riding my bike *everywhere* these days (I must have walked eight miles yesterday…) - I started yoga classes earlier this week for strength training…. I feel strong and healthy and I eat very well … But I just feel BIG.
It is weird - You know I am dating a bunch of different guys right now - While they don’t seem to care that I weigh 240lbs (they all seem to love it)… my size BOTHERS ME. I don’t want to be naked next to them. I don’t want them to touch me…. I feel unattractive and large and awkward and strange in my own body…. I am avoiding potential sexual escapades because I absolutely dislike the idea of someone touching my fat body
Anyways - My point is… I am incredibly happy that my body looks so great on camera. I own the camera. I love the camera - But I don’t feel nearly as confident about my body in real life."
London Andrews 2014
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